Home Birth Part 1: How did we get here?
My son was born at home, in our living room, without medicine or a hospital, under the care of midwives and a doula. Crazy? A previous version of myself would have thought so too, but after what my wife and I experienced, I wouldn't change a thing. My son was also born to the same woman who, in earlier conversations about her future birth experience, had said, "I want all the drugs." So how did we go from wanting full medical intervention to none at all? Let's start from the beginning.
Above all, I wanted my child to be welcomed into this world by a family who deeply longed for their existence. I wanted the idea of being parents to be seen as a blessing, not a burden. I knew that rushing into parenthood could lead to resentment, which would be a harmful start for both our marriage and the upbringing of our child.
I was a bit more eager than my wife to have children. In my mind, I was ready from the beginning of our marriage. In hindsight, I’m grateful for the years we had before our first child. My wife, on the other hand, was hinting at a timeline that made me slightly uncomfortable. She wanted to finish medical school, residency, and fellowship, and have a couple of years after her training to "live life" before considering raising children. This was reasonable given the demands of a medical career, but it would have made me around 37 when trying for our first child, which was older than I had imagined. This was the uncomfortable reality I faced, but I was willing to set my desires aside since my wife clearly wasn't ready. I also knew that pushing her would not be supportive. So instead of fighting a needless battle, I decided to be patient and make the most of our time as a childless married couple.
On a weeknight in August 2023, while my wife was on her call shift, things began to change rapidly. As per tradition, I would bring her food from one of her favorite restaurants so she would have something to look forward to during her overnight shift at the hospital. When I met her to drop off the food, she told me she had been thinking and praying and believed that the following year, she might be ready to start trying. A few days later, she changed her mind and said within a couple of months. A few days after that, she said immediately. Within a week, she went from considering a few years, to a few months, to as soon as possible. What I witnessed was a miraculous shift in mindset.
For years, I had grown comfortable with the idea of becoming a father in my late 30s. So, while I was thrilled about my wife’s sudden change of heart, I was also taken aback and needed some time to adjust to the new reality of fatherhood possibly being around the corner.
A few months later, God blessed us with the news that we were pregnant. Thus began the journey. For the first four months, we followed the OB/GYN route, with regular doctor visits. However, the idea of a different path had been in my wife's mind since a close friend successfully had a home birth about nine months before Chiamaka became pregnant. I’m not sure what you think of when you imagine a woman who would consider a home birth, but before our friend's experience, I had a particular type in mind, and she did not fit that stereotype—nor did my wife. So, after four months of simultaneously going to the doctor, thinking, praying, and educating ourselves about the possibility of a home birth, we took the plunge and called the midwife.
I strongly believe God has reserved a spiritual privilege for women through the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth. God has given women the unique ability to perceive existence in ways men cannot. The whole process—the pregnancy and the miraculous event of giving birth—is the closest experience a human can have to God's act of creation.
I was definitely a skeptic of home births, but now I am a full believer. Not every family has the same experience, but I will share our story from the husband's, now father's, perspective. My experience was special, but I think if you ask around, it's more common than you might realize.
